I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
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So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
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I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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