I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
