why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
