yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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