What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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