just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
