Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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