Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
