I just cut my nipple shaving
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
