I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
