I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
