He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
