I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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