She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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