your thong is hanging out like whoa
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
