She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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