I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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