dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
