dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
