respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
