so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
