If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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