And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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