is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
