We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
