When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
