Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
