Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
