i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
