I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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