I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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