Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
