You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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