Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
