My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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