We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
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The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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