Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
