just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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