I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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