dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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