Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize