what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
