Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
