So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
