I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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