I showed him my bush... on skype.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
