He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
