also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
