you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
