your parents love me but you hate me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She said her name was "party"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
