Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
