what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
