i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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