I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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