fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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