I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
