I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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