I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
