Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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